Government Waste – The Gift That Keeps On Giving

By Craig Andresen – Right Side Patriots on American Political Radio

We all remember the shrimp on the treadmill…right?

That tiny, tasty crustacean, running his ass off on that little treadmill under water became a You Tube sensation once it was revealed that the U.S. government spent…HOW MUCH…on that particular study?


That’s like a gym membership, a personal trainer, a house full of gym equipment so that you could ignore the gym altogether even though you had the membership, a new car, a boat, and a really nice new house in many parts of this great country…

And our government spent it on a treadmill for a shrimp.

This, of course, is the same U.S. government that has spent $600.00 for a hammer, reportedly $1500 for a simple toilet seat, and just last year, according to Thomas A. Schatz, the President of Citizens Against Government Waste…

“The National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) spent $70,029 to see if the degu, a diurnal South American rodent, can help us better understand jet lag . . . they spent $77,826 to study “Coping with Change in Czechoslovakia” . . . $100,271 to see if volunteering is good for older people . . . $124,910 to reduce “School Phobia” in children . . . $161,913 to study “Israeli reactions to SCUD Attacks during the Gulf War” . . . and $187,042 to study the quality of life in Hawaii.”

First of all…no rodent, South American or of any other nationality, can help us learn anything about jet lag…because THEY DON’T GET ON PLANES AND FLY ANYWHERE. Of COURSE it’s good for old people to volunteer…and I’m sure if you would just ask some old people to do a little something…THEY WOULD BE HAPPY TO VOLUNTEER TO GET ON A PLANE AND FLY SOMEWHERE TO HELP US LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT JET  LAG!!!

We don’t have to write the Czechs a check to study how the Czechs cope with change in Czechoslovokia when we have an entire liberal voting base in our own country who can’t deal with changing from a liberal/socialist regime hell-bent on fundamentally transforming America into a third world cesspool to a president who actually believes America should be great.

The Israeli reaction to scud attacks in the gulf war was to duck and cover…wait until the sirens stopped, and resume business as normal…that just saved $161,913.00…some kids are always going to be afraid of going to school regardless of how much money gets thrown at the issue so just knock it off, and in the effort of saving yet another $187,042.00…outside of some sand in your crotch…the quality of life in Hawaii…so long as you’re a socialist moron…is pretty damn good.

Now then…if you have happened to get some money to conduct such studies as those I have mentioned, and so many more that I could spend weeks making fun of them…you have received a “gift” from the American taxpayers.

But that sort of government waste really isn’t the point of this article…it’s something more personal that has me a bit irked this week.

Let me ask you all a question…

Have you…have ANY of you ever received, from the U.S. government…a “gift?”

Now, I’m not talking about a tax return, because that’s just the government giving you back some of the money you earned. It’s not a gift. I’m talking about an out of the clear, blue sky…”gift”. Something you never expected, that came as a surprise with a little “Thinking of You” note attached to it.

You know…a “gift.”

Anybody out there ever get a “gift” from your Uncle Sam?

Nope…me either…and when I tell you what I’m about to tell you…you’re gonna be as pissed as I am.

Our government spends $3,864,661.38 on…”gifts”…ever 35 seconds. That’s $3.8 MILLION dollars plus, every 35 seconds of every day and night…24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year…on “GIFTS.”

That’s almost 2 gifts per minute, which means that every 24 hour of the day, our government is giving out almost 2,800 gifts, which adds up to a staggering 11,130,224,774.40 per day. That’s 11 BILLION of our American taxpayer dollars every day.

From the United States government…I have never received a “gift.”

I’m 56 years old…that’s 56 birthdays, and 56 Christmas mornings without a “gift” from our government. 112 prime opportunities for which the government could have given me a “gift” but failed to do so. Nothing. Not even a card.

Imagine if I were Jewish, where Hanukkah last 7 days, how much further behind the government would be in their “gift” giving at this point.

Oy vey.

Never once has the government sent me a note saying that as a “gift” they were going to fly me to Italy for the Tuscan wine festival to see if drinking red wine would have any effect on jet lag and not once has Uncle Sam said to me…we’ll fly you over to Czechoslovakia to check on the Czechs….happy birthday.


Look…I’m sure a great deal was learned from putting a shrimp on a treadmill and posting the video to You Tube. I am equally sure that there would be a great deal to be learned by suddenly paying off a north central Nebraska guy’s mortgage and posting THAT video on You Tube.

I’m waiting….

The way I see it, the United States government owes me, at the very least, 112 “gifts” and considering how they spend money, and the fact that I would be happy with damn near anything outside of being “gifted” my very own Muslim refugee…something could, and should be done to repair the relationship I have with my government.

I have a birthday coming up in a few months…how about this?? As a “gift” the federal government could take me out for a couple of shrimp cocktails…one replete with couch potato shrimp, and the other stocked with shrimp that had a government sponsored gym membership and personal trainer where they did cardio workouts as seen on You Tube…after which…I would gladly pen a report to be submitted to the Senate Shrimp on a Treadmill Committee regarding which one tasted better.

It doesn’t make up for all 56 birthdays and 56 Christmas mornings…but it would be a start.

I can’t possibly be alone in this.

I am willing to bet that the vast, overwhelming majority of my readers have never come up with as pithy of a study as examining the aerodynamic properties of a port-a-potty in a Tuesday afternoon Tulsa tornado, which I would venture is worth at least a half a million taxpayer dollars allocated from a House subcommittee dedicated to flying poo…and I’m also willing to bet that a souvenir key chain, from the museum of government waste…attached to a new Ford F-150 and a years worth of gas from 7-11’s nationwide would come in at a damn sight less than a study of what happens when crap hits a fan.

Don’t get me wrong, not everything on which the government spends money is a waste. Roads, bridges and our military, aside from the $600 dollar hammers and $1,500.00 dollar toilet seats are covered by general welfare and common defense…but those things are not “gifts.”

Can anyone name a single person who has benefitted from knowing how the Czechs deal with change…including the Czechs?

I can’t, and if you’re honest, neither can you. In fact, if they were honest, not a single elected official could come up with the name of such a beneficiary.

Have you ever wondered why your taxes are so high?

Here’s a little insight that should open your eyes a bit wider. During the Obama regime, while he ordered our military to win the hearts and minds of our enemies, who by the way, want us all dead…guess what the Department of Defense did…they “gifted” some outfit with $283,500 of our taxpayer dollars to monitor the day to day life of a small, grey bird known as the California Gnatcatcher.

Seriously? The Department of Defense? We’re talking about a tweety bird here…not a MOAB. What in THE hell?

Now, if the DOD wanted to pay ME $283,500 to monitor squirrels polishing their nuts, I’d do it. Who am I kidding, I’d do it for $100,000 just because I need a hobby…but if the government really wanted to give us all a “gift,” how about this…

STOP GIVING GNAT-BRAINS OUR MONEY TO WATCH GNATCATCHERS…and while they’re at it…knock it off with ALL the “gifts” handed out like candy on Halloween to every knot-head who wants to study something that means nothing to anybody…thus lowering federal spending which would cut our taxes allowing each and every American to KEEP more of the money they EARN.

It all adds up, but here’s the real kick in the pants…

Just a couple of years ago, again under the Obama regime, the Drug Enforcement Agency employees, several employees of the Secret Service and a number of other government employees including some in Hillary’s Department of State were caught enjoying the company of prostitutes along with several other acts of misdeed. They were placed on administrative leave, and our taxpayer dollars…to the tune of $3.1 BILLION dollars…went directly into their pockets over a two year span of time.

Apparently, being a fine, upstanding citizen gets ya bupkus but screwing up by screwing prostitutes while on the government payroll and thus…screwing We the People is a lot like hitting the lottery.

Look, after 56 birthdays, and 56 Christmas mornings without so much as a card from the government, I have resigned myself to the fact that getting a “gift” from the nuts running the asylum probably isn’t in the offing…unless…

My study on the mating habits of myopic rabbits who think that the common cactus wants them, and wants them bad gets picked up by the Department of Homeland Security.

Laugh if you want to but…I hear that deflated bunny balls are going for BIG bucks these days!

Maybe I should be expecting my “gift” in the mail after all.

Copyright © 2017 Craig Andresen /



Today, Friday, August 4th from 7 to 9pm on American Political Radio, RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS Craig Andresen and Dians sori discuss the new sanctions placed on North Korea, Iran, and Russia; Craig’s take on government waste; and important news of the day.

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