Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

By Craig Andresen – Right Side Patriots on American Political Radio

Allow me, for a moment, to channel my inner snowflake…


This is bigger that Watergate,

This is potentially more devastating than Pearl Harbor…more of a disaster than 9/11.

It’s bigger than the Hindenburg, Titanic, the San Francisco earthquake and Mrs. O’Leary’s cow in Chicago all rolled into one.

And that cow was pretty good sized.

Hide the women and children, buckle up and put on your helmets…this is HUGE!!!

To be completely honest, we may well not survive this and we had better be prepared to bid farewell to our loved ones, fold up our tray tables, put our seats in the full, upright locked position…bend at the waste, place our heads between our knees and kiss our happy asses goodbye.

Remember that grass fire on Little House on the Prairie? Remember that time that the asteroid hit and wiped out the dinosaurs and every other living thing except for the cockroaches, and the other stuff that didn’t get wiped out?

Remember that time when they stopped…

Making Twinkies???

Well, this is worse than all of those things.

This…is phone call gate.

It’s been nearly two weeks since we were all first made aware that General Flynn had placed a (gasp) phone call to a (gasp) Russian Ambassador, in which they may…or may not have discussed…(oh, the humanity) sanctions.

THANK GOD the NSA illegally recorded that conversation and then illegally leaked it to the mainstream media, or we may never have known what was about to erase life on this planet as we know it. For the LOVE of GOD…we may have mistaken the impending doom on…CLIMATE CHANGE…and none of us would have been the wiser.

To make matters worse, and apparently this adds up to charges of TREASON against President Donald J. Benedict Arnold Trump…after the dreaded phone call to a RUSSIAN Ambassador…General Flynn failed to reveal that call’s full contents to both President Trump or to Vice President Mike Pence.

Imagine calling a RUSSIAN…on the PHONE…and talking about possible sanctions, or the possibility of lifting sanctions, or where your favorite place to eat dinner might be if you ever got together in person…the scandal…the loss of life and the cost of a shrimp cocktail of it all.

Perhaps our future, and now former National Security Advisor should have done something far more benign…like walking weapons over our southern border and giving them to Mexican drug cartels…or running weapons between various branches of al Qaeda from Libya to Syria before having four Americans murdered in Benghazi, and then blaming the whole thing on a You Tube video.

It retrospect, I’m sure that General Flynn now knows he would have been far, FAR better off to have simply engineered a deal with IRAN so as to allow that rogue Islamist nation to build NUCLEAR WEAPONS with which they aim to wipe ISRAEL off the map.

What in THE hell was he thinking when he picked up that telephone…and called a RUSSIAN Ambassador?

Oh, my God…I just thought of this…

If General Flynn had NOT placed that now dreaded phone call…the Oroville dam emergency spillway wouldn’t have a 200 foot wide crater in it and California wouldn’t have had to put their plans of seceding from the union on hold until after they get a check for $100 billion taxpayer dollars from the federal government they want to secede from.

CALIFORNIA WOULD BE ITS OWN COUNTRY BY NOW…had Flynn not called a Russian Ambassador.

Had it not been for that phone call…

Hillary Clinton could have gotten a permanent face lift, so that she could look as natural as Wayne Newton, cats and dogs would get along together in peace and harmony, old braless women’s boobs wouldn’t be bouncing off their surgically replaced kneecaps, Trey Gowdy would settle on one haircut style, white people would be able to understand the lyrics of gangsta rap songs, Elizabeth Warren would be adopted by a family of Indians living on a reservation, there would be a chicken in every pot, a giant pussy costume in every walk-in closet, real unicorns would fart real rainbows, vegetables would all taste just like meatloaf, Meatloaf would write and record a song shorter than the audio book version of War and Peace as read by Jimmy Stewart, the ladies on The View would quit being in a state of 24/7 365 PMS,  every issue of Sports Illustrated would be the swimsuit issue, cold water spigots would dispense Chardonnay, hot water spigots would let loose a stream of room temperature Merlot and beer would flow from out of shower heads from sea to shining sea.

General Flynn is why we can’t have nice things.

Forget all the nonsense, and treason that took place over the last eight years…THIS is what liberals want investigated to the FULLEST extent…except, as Chuckles Schumer says…the FULLEST investigation possible should NOT include the Department of Justice…lest it be discovered that there really was nothing illegal about the phone call itself, but the SPYING on General Flynn and the resulting leak of it be found to have violated existing laws.

I mean…who would want THAT to happen…on top of everything else?

DAMN Alex Graham Bell and his insipid invention…and while we’re at it…damn Tommy Edison too, for allowing the harsh artificial light of truth to be shone upon it.

Somehow, you just know liberals are gonna find a way to use this to push for mandatory gun regulations, mandatory abortions and forced gender neutral bathrooms for illegal alien “refugees” from Islamic nations…and the banning of the sale of anything over a thimble full of soda.

I’m sure you all remember Dan Rather…the guy who broke the fake news on George W. Bush’s time in the National Guard…well, here is what HE had to say on this whole Flynn phone call thing…”Watergate is the biggest political scandal of my lifetime, until maybe now. It was the closest we came to a debilitating Constitutional crisis, until maybe now. On a 10 scale of Armageddon for our form of government, I would put Watergate at a 9. This Russia scandal is currently somewhere around a 5 or 6, in my opinion, but it is cascading in intensity seemingly by the hour. And we may look back and see, in the end, that it is at least as big as Watergate. It may become the measure by which all future scandals are judged. It has all the necessary ingredients, and that is chilling.”

Up until now, I’ll bet you thought I was just making all this doom and gloom stuff up out of thin air…but if you can’t trust Dan Rather…who CAN you trust?

Brian Williams?

Look, at least none of this will have an ill effect on the steady flow of illegal aliens pouring across our border seeking welfare from hard working Americans while they settle in our sanctuary cities.

THAT would be…catastrophic.

But now there’s a news National Security Advisor…what’s his name…General H.R. McMallister…McMuffin…McMaster?


I heard that HE recently placed a call to a CHINESE…restaurant…and ordered the General Tso chicken.

Are we gonna let Trump get away with this outrage? I say we riot in the streets, ransack a couple of Starbucks, and call him a racist.

Somebody send a new script to Mika Brzezinski at MSNBC so she can control exactly what people think.



Today, Friday, February 24th from 7 to 9pm EST on American Political Radio, RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS Craig Andresen and Diane Sori discuss the dueling ideologies that is ‘fake news,’ Flynn’s firing gets the snark treatment, and major events of the week.

Hope you can tune in at: http://tunein.com/radio/American-Political-Radio-s273246/