Life’s a Bitch, Princess…Deal With It

By Craig Andresen – Right Side Patriots on American Political Radio

deal-1It’s high time I deliver a quaint message to one particular group of individuals, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t give a happy damn whose fragile feelings I hurt in the process.

I’m talking about those quivering, gelatinous puddles of liberal goo in our universities and colleges who despite seeking a higher education, just can’t handle reality.

If, for the last week or so, you’ve been curled up in the fetal position, sobbing and unshowered, wadding and unwadding globs of Play Dough and your soiled panties, blowing bubbles when you aren’t drooling and wondering why your specifically assigned therapy puppy won’t give you the time of day…it’s because your parents failed.

They brought you up to believe that somehow, you were more special than you ever really were. They told you that no matter how bad you were at something…you were great at it. They managed to convince you that you were their little princess whether you peed standing up or sitting down and they told you that you were always going to be able to have whatever you wanted.

Your parents were abject failures, but they aren’t the only abject failures in your young lives because your teachers lied to you.

That’s right…

From kindergarten on up…you were lied to by teachers who told you that you deserved a gold star for every little thing you did…even it what you did was

That gold star you got in the first grade, for wetting your pants…you didn’t deserve it. The gold star you got when you couldn’t add 3+3 and come up with 6…you didn’t deserve that one either. By the time you got to high school, your teachers were passing you through your classes just because you showed up. You didn’t deserve that any more then you deserved the little league trophy you got a few years earlier when you came in last.

Your teachers lied to you, but they did make you feel good, didn’t they? They made you feel like you were just as good of a student as the kid that got straight “A’s” when you were scraping by on “D’s.” They made you feel good when you couldn’t play the triangle in the band while some other kid was performing piano recitals at national competitions, and they made you feel good when you couldn’t finish writing the assigned book report while the kid next to you finished writing her first novel.

Your teachers told you that you were ready for college. They lied to you because they didn’t deal-3want to bruise your tender feelings.

But most of all, the people that controlled the minds of your parents and the minds of your teachers failed. Their notion that it took a village to raise you failed. Their ideology that not keeping score so that everybody could feel like a winner failed. Their agenda of teaching your teachers that the right answer to any given problem didn’t matter as long as you wrote something on the page failed.

Liberalism, the very thing you are curled up in fetal position with your Play Dough, bubbles, Crayons and wondering why your therapy puppy won’t play with you over…failed…and the liberals who convinced your parents and your teachers to convince you that reality didn’t matter…failed.

It’s no surprise really, because socialism has failed each and every time a country has given it a whirl. That’s just a matter of historical fact…a bit of reality your teachers didn’t want you to know about.

And now, there you are, in some college or university somewhere, a few short years, or perhaps a few short months away from taking your first steps out into the real world…moaning and sobbing in your safe place…because the candidate your parents and your teachers told you would win, so as to preserve your easily shattered feelings…didn’t.

And why didn’t she win?deal-4

Because…shock of all shocks…in the real world…somebody is always keeping score. In the real world there are winners, and there are losers, and in the real world…your feelings are going to get hurt.

Let me ask you quivering puddles of liberal goo a few pert questions…

When you don’t get the job you think you’re entitled to after your first interview…who is going to give you a wad of Play Dough to sooth your fractured feelings?

Who, exactly, is going to give you a therapy puppy when the car dealership refuses to just give you the car you think you deserve and can’t afford to pay for?

When the manager of the burger joint refuses to pay you 40k for just showing up in your paper hat…who will bring you a coloring book and a box of Crayons?

And whedeal-5n your favorite Crayon breaks off in that sharpener on the back of the box, and your therapy puppy runs away with your Play Dough…who will bring you a bottle of bubbles to help you get over the devastating disappointment of it all?

I ask you these poignant questions because up until now, every time you screwed up, your parents and teachers have given you a cupcake with sprinkles on it and patted you on the head when they should have been spanking your ass.

Let me explain something to you in the clearest way I know how…

You’re not ready for the real world and the real world sure as hell doesn’t want a damn thing to do with you.

If you think the outcome of this election was a kick in the ass without a sprinkled cupcake…just wait until the real world starts kicking your ass. Shit has always happened, it happens to everybody and it’s going to happen to you too.

You’re not entitled to anything but your inheritance, and the very people you are out there stopping traffic on the highway for, are trying to take that away from you too. Sure, you have a right to protest, but know that the very people you are protesting in favor of, will take that deal-6from you if you don’t protest only the things they want you to protest because you really aren’t special to them…you are nothing more than their tool.

Did you think the form of government you’re protesting for, the form of government you’re in the fetal position for was going to pay for your college education, your healthcare, your food and your rent or mortgage?

Think again…because they don’t have any money they didn’t take from somebody else, and if you are lucky enough to get a job handing out Play Dough and Crayons…they’ll be taking your money too. Eventually, the very form of government you are all wadded up over losing, and the people who convinced your parents and teachers was the best for you…is going to run out of other people’s money.

What then?

What happens to your bruised feelings when there isn’t enough of other people’s money left to pay for your birth control, your food stamps, your college educations or your bottles of bubbles?

deal-7Let me give you a few more doses of stark reality…

Global warming is a crock of crap and climate change ain’t nothing but the weather.

Freedom isn’t free and when you take a knee during the national anthem, you’re not protesting anything, you’re spitting on every veteran who ever defended your freedom.

The cops aren’t the bad guys.

If you’re a guy that wants to wear women’s clothes or a woman that wants to dress like a guy…that’s up to you, but not even having surgery to alter your plumbing can change your DNA. You were either born a male or a female and that’s what you’ll always be so get the hell over it.

Minorities are entitled only to the same rights as everyone else, not more, and gay people and black people aren’t the only people allowed to be proud of who they are.

You don’t have the right to never be offended.

Winning the hearts and minds of our nation’s enemies is not the job of our military…their job is to kill the

Illegal aliens are in this country illegally, and we shouldn’t be pretending it’s okay for them to break our laws by paying various cities to shelter them from our laws.

There will always be income inequality unless everybody is equally poor.

Businesses, big and small, create jobs. The government only creates government jobs, and the more jobs the government creates, the less money we get to keep for ourselves.

The reason there are more black people in prison than white people is because more black people break the law than white people.

Gun free zones are zones where only the criminals have guns. What they really are is target rich zones.

If a manger scene in a park at Christmas time is more disturbing to you than a parade of deal-9naked people in San Francisco…do what the rest of us do…ignore the one you don’t like.

And when it comes to what you have to say, you have two basic rights…the right to speak your mind or the right to remain silent. If you act like a thug…employ the latter as nobody at that point gives much of a damn about your use of the former.

While I could continue these doses of reality for a good deal longer, I suspect I have already overloaded your ability to comprehend anything more substantial than a fart in a wind storm, but know this and let it sink in…

Our allies around the world are  not anywhere near scared of, nor are they laughing at Donald Trump…they’re laughing at you and scared crapless at the prospect that one day, you sniveling liberals will be old enough to become the president of the United States, and they just can’t get over how quickly the entire planet will burn while you sit behind the desk in the Oval Office, Play Dough in one hand and a Crayon in the other…wondering what to do because some third-world despot in some buttkrackistan somewhere hurt your precious little feelings.

If you little wastes of your daddy’s sperm and your mommy’s eggs ever want to be taken seriously…put down the Play Dough, quit eating the Crayons, feed the puppy and stop blowing bubbles…find a way to conjure up a set of balls, real or imagined, and act like grown up adults.

Here’s just a few more pearls of truth for you liberal college panty wadders to chdeal-10ew on…

Donald Trump IS the next president of the United States…

Hillary Clinton isn’t…

And somewhere, the village that raised you is missing their idiot.

Now take your cupcakes, sprinkles and all…and shove em where the sun don’t shine princess…Life’s a bitch…deal with it.



Today, Friday, November 18th from 7 to 9pm EST on American Political Radio, RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTrsp-small-1aS Craig Andresen and Diane Sori discuss Trump’s controversial appointment of Stephen K. Bannon, Craig takes college students to school, and the latest on Hillary’s election night meltdown.

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