I have been reminiscing lately, about my childhood, and I have come to the most startling conclusion. IT IS AN ABSOLUTE MIRICLE that I am alive today to reminisce about my childhood!
When I was a kid, the world around us was MUCH more dangerous than it is today.
A few days ago, while watching Elizabeth Warren at the convention, I decided the time was ripe to do something I had, for far too long, neglected.
I read the label on a bottle of recently purchased shampoo.
Along with all the directions, which can only be read with the use of an electron microscope, were the only words clearly visible from space…
“WARNING: FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY.”
My God given common sense has, so far, prevented me from drinking the shampoo.
As fascinating as I found Elizabeth Warren, I left the TV and headed for the bathroom where I started checking OTHER labels.
Did you know that your antiperspirant is ALSO for external use only?
Our hair dryer has a warning on IT too.
“WARNING: KEEP AWAY FROM WATER – DANGER – DO NOT USE IN BATH OR SHOWER”
Set aside, for a moment, the shocking possibility of being electrocuted and consider…on the moron scale…where one would have to be to believe that, while in the shower, with the water running, one could get their hair dry.
Let’s face facts.
Such warning labels are NOT there for YOUR protection. Those warning labels are there to protect the manufacturer from YOUR attorney.
This is because God given common sense has been replaced by litigation.
Think about it.
At some point, far too many people were simply falling out of the wide open rear windows of cars.
Obviously, the government had to get involved and regulate the auto industry so that from then on, rear car windows would only roll down half way.
Apparently, nobody has ever fallen out of the FRONT windows as they, to this very day, roll ALL the way down.
It’s a wonder, considering all the bodies found in them, that cars are still allowed to have trunks.
A little over a year ago, in upstate New York, there was an attempt to pass a law outlawing wiffle ball as it was considered too dangerous for children to play.
I would have to go back through piles and stacks of old documents from my Midwest hometown but I’m reasonably certain, somewhere, there MUST be recorded proof of a wiffle ball death o,r at the VERY least, a maiming of unspeakable horror.
As a young lad, I rode my bike without a helmet (which I’m sure clears up some things for my readers) and went for rides in the family sedan without a child safety seat. There was NO rubber pad on the playground of my grade school but there WERE monkey bars AND a jungle gym…AND WE PLAYED ON THEM. If we fell down (and we did…every day) we got back up and continued to play.
Today, thanks to bureaucrats, THOSE things are considered as deadly as a soup bowl full of plutonium.
If only I had known as a youth what I know today I would have been OBVIOUS as to why, in church every Sunday, they talked so much and so often, about heaven…Because at church picnics, we roasted wieners on SHARP STICKS…after sack races…
THEY WERE TRYING TO SEND US THERE!!!
I’m pretty sure too, that my parents were trying to kill me as they kept telling me to go outside and play.
Had I as a kid, been strapped in a booster seat while riding down the highway (today I think one is required to be in such a seat until the age of 22) and had I NOT been watching my hand make ocean wave motions out the wide open back window (at 75 miles an hour) I would surely have noticed that the side of the road was littered with arms and/or…former back seat passengers.
Back then, it was God given common sense rather than hell bent for election regulations that prevented us from falling out of the car windows.
All things considered, I believe the warning labels are being placed on the wrong things.
There are far too many people in society who would tell a judge, “Well, the package didn’t SAY not to hit myself in the head with the hammer…” and the jury would award the knot head MILLIONS.
God given common sense should be enough for most things…And warning labels should be saved for REALLY dangerous stuff.
“WARNING: DO NOT VOTE FOR THIS PERSON IF THERE IS A “D” AFTER THE NAME”
“WARNING: IF YOU ARE OF VOTING AGE, AND THE PERSON WHOSE NAME IS ON THE BALLOT HAS BEEN IN OFFICE TWICE AS LONG AS YOU’VE BEEN ALIVE – DO NOT ELECT THEM AGAIN”
“WARNING: DO NOT PASS THIS BILL UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE READ THIS BILL”
“WARNING: THIS PERSON REQUIRES $1000.00 WORTH OF BIRTH CONTROL PER YEAR”
“WARNING: DO NOT PLACE EMPTY CHAIR UPON PEDESTAL AS THE CHAIR IS UNSTABLE”
“WARNING: IF SOMEONE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT HAS A FORGED BIRTH CERTIFICATE, A FORGED SELECTIVE SERVICE CARD, A SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER ISSUED FROM A STATE IN WHICH HE NEVER LIVED, HAS GONE BY AT LEAST 3 DIFFERENT NAMES, ASSOCIATED WITH DOMESTIC TERRORISTS, SPENT 20 YEARS IN A CHURCH WHERE THE PREACHER YELLED GOD DAMN AMERICA, WENT TO COLLEGE ON A FOREIGN AID PROGRAM WHILE HANGING OUT WITH SOCIALISTS BUT WON’T RELEASE HIS COLLEGE THESIS, BRIBES PEOPLE TO PASS BILLS THEY HAVEN’T READ DESPITE THE WARNING LABEL, SAYS HE WANTS TO FUNDAMENTALLY TRANSFORM AMERICA AND PLAYS MORE THAN 100 ROUNDS OF GOLF INSTEAD OF MEETING WITH HIS JOBS COUNCIL WHILE THE NATION’S ECONOMY GOES TO HELL IN A HANDBAG AFTER HE RACKED UP ANOTHER 5 TRILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT – – – USE YOUR GOD GIVEN COMMON SENSE!!!”
Anyone who would fail to heed these warnings probably drinks shampoo and, I don’t even WANT to know how they’re violating the “FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY” warning on the deodorant.
The National Patriot
Weekend Edition 9/9/12